My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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