You don't have asthma, your pregnant
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
