im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
