got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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