big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
