wanna go halves on a baby?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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