Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
