If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
