CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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