I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
A+ Viking dick
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
