i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
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Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
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In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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