the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
