She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm way too hungover for life right now
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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