you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
