"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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