I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
