woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
