The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
