eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
