South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
