just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
