i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
