having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
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Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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