There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
