a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
