thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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