were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
