How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
the condom got lost in my hair
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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