through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
