I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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