you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
