So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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