It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
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Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
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Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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