My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
