Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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