Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
