I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
the day after is always just damage control
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
