I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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