for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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