I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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