in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
