Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
