Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
