I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
