What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
