cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
