I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
