I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
