no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
