I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i dont even know how to be here
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
