I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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