Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize