she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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