Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
