this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
