He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
