I never want to see another naked old woman again.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize