More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
