you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
