You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
