If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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