Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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