I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
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I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
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Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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