Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
