what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
send nudes
from the living room?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
