It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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