hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
