Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
well you can't waste a boner
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
