life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Enjoy the penises
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
