Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Boobs are out for the taking
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
