so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
