he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
