I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
