true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize