I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
