i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
