When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
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just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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