after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
