He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
soo... how was my night?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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